Accounting for GAN and GAW, t-shirts, and an endorsement for filth

I think I am a fairly ethical person. I have my shortcomings, for sure, but when somebody drops a wallet, my first instinct which I usually follow through is to let the person know that he dropped his wallet. My point is that for a reasonably ethical person, I hate those "company values" and "mission statements". When was the last time these values or missions said anything interesting? And, I have never felt any of my actions in a particular company is guided one way or another by stated values and mission. Neither have I seen any of my co-workers from CEO on down, follow these ideas.

(Oh, don't get me started on this one time that a CEO insisted that I use some ill gotten data set from the competitor. Welcome to the real world.)

Anyway, the reason I am reminded of these observations is that Mr Proper recently wanted everyone to come up with an agreed list of company values in a corporate meeting.

We want to be (in no particular order):
* Accountable
* Patient
* etc.

You get the drift. And, half way through the process, I was already in my semi-fetal position. On one hand, I really have nothing against these values, nobody is going to argue against being accountable after all. On the other, this does not seem to be something that anyone, with the possible exception of Mr Proper, would remember after the discussion.

To my surprise, Mr Whupass started to challenge the whole idea as well as the individual statements. For example, what is being accountable? Is it a way to pin fault on people? Why cannot we just use common sense to tell whether somebody is being accountable?

I loved it!

Being the CEO, when Whupass showed his cards, the people fall into line rather quickly then. (We may try to be accountable, but we also know how to kowtow to the big boss.)

This kind of got me thinking though. Why are these company values important and who cares? I still maintain that these values are not worth more than the material that they are printed on. This is basically, my conjecture, a global conspiracy by marketing and HR people to create work and production opportunities. Having said that, having a list of company value can also be interpreted as a sign of being a real company since "real" companies have those silly lists. Do you think that is what Mr Proper wanted? A bit artificial, wouldn't you say?

**
I finally got my acts together to poke around the Google Analytics Help forum. So, the first thing is that it is not Analytics or Urchin (the original vendor/product name for the product). It is call "GA". Logically enough, but how about Google AdWords? It would seem that to avoid confusion that AdWords would be known as GAW where as Analytics should be called GAN.

Yeah, you've probably guessed it, I have not learnt much on how to use GA yet so I can only make these tangential observations.

I poked around my GA numbers on a daily basis to get more familiar with them. Man! They are not intuitive to decipher. And, there is not an easy consolidated source that would serve as the user manual. Technically, there is a help section which I am in the process of reading through. But, this is nothing like AdWords where you can print out a 400 page tome on how to use GAW.

Is Google turning sloppy? The wind is not favorable.

**
I must confess that I have not watched any TV program in an organized fashion, meaning having a fixed time or a favorite show, for years. So, it is only logical that I have no cable. And, in any case, I have only heard of the recent popularity of poker games - I think I read it in an article while waiting in a doctor's office a while back.

So, imagine my surprise that one of our partners is hosting a poker tournament as part of the product/vendor program - come for one hour of sales pitch and you get to play three hours of poker.

I love that idea, mixing business with sinful pleasures. (Disclaimer, I have nothing against gambling. In any case, I am for anything that would help to shock the sensibility of some segment of the civic society. So, please take my use of "sinful" in that tongue-in-cheek spirit.) So, I quickly signed up for the program as one of the vendor "acts". In addition to the sales pitch, I will also be hosting a blackjack table for those who are not playing poker or got eliminated from the tournament. Finally, I will be handing out t-shirts to all the participants.

Nobody can fault me for not being able to spend money in the name of marketing. :-)!


**
So, this comes to the latest saga on the t-shirt making front. For several months now, one of the field support engineers told me that he has a friend who can make t-shirts. I am all for routing business to people we know. So, I have been asking for more information so I can make a batch.

Nothing.

Anyway, with the poker event looming, I really need to get my acts together. So, I quickly sent out a bunch of queries for local t-shirt guys and got a few quotes going.

Not sure if you ever made t-shirts in the 80's. It used to be a pretty simple operation. I used to go to a photo copier with the image I want silk screened and make a photocopy onto a thick transparency. The transparency goes to the t-shirt maker and, a few days later, a batch of t-shirts. A good way to make a little spending money on the side.

Well, things have changed. I was asked for an EPS format file for the company logo. I said, sure, I've got exactly what you needed. Then, when I talked with the graphic designer, she informed me that the EPS file that I had was in pixel format as oppose to vector format. Now, you have to bear with me on this point as I am not clear on the details. Basically, a pixel format cannot scale easily since the images are in pixel, i.e. when you blow it up, the gaps between the pixels become visible. On the other hand, vector format, being of mathematical (vector) expressions, can be scaled to whatever size since these expression are robust unless you go into the imaginary plan (okay, I add the conjecture about the imaginary plan but it is probably true.)

Being the good marketing executive, I told the graphic designer to come up with a new logo that is close to the current one but in vector EPS format. It does not need to be perfect for the few people would really notice the discrepancy in a t-shirt.

Then, there is the issue of size. This is basically a statistical question and I have no data to go on. So, I talked with one of the t-shirt making guy and gave him the instruction that I would like to make 50 shirts for a population that is mostly male (90%). The triangulated recommendation is: 2 Small, 8 Medium, 20 large, 18 XL and 2 XXL. I think there is a surcharge for XXL. I may stick with 20 XL instead.

I wonder what kind of sizes I did in the 80's.

**
This is not exactly marketing related, but I just want to say that I enjoyed documentary films. And, the most interesting one that I have seen in a long time is "The Aristocrats". It is not, by a long long shot, family friendly, but it exposes a side of the entertainment world and American psyche that are often considered taboo to explore.

The film retells the same joke by many famous comedians each with his own ways of telling it. I won't ruin the fun for you by telling you the joke here, but suffices to say that the whole point is to shock and disgust the listener. In a way, it is sort of like the "my brother can beat up your brother" game to see who can top each other in the category of shock and disgust. And, that in and of itself is fun aplenty.

What I also find fascinating is that the joke really allows a person to explore the notion of taboo and boundaries in the American context (since the jokes are told by American comedians.) Wouldn't it be fun to tell the same job around the world and see what are the taboos and boundaries that people have?

chiefchickenheadless (at) gmail (dot) com sign out
Legend: (at) = "@" (dot) = "."